Rescinded Red

Oh the media monkeys and their junket junkies will invite you to their plastic pantomime. Throw their invites away.

Sunday EPL Results: The Deuce Runs Loose on Chelsea

156202256_22681c61afNewcastle 1 – 5 Liverpool: Liverpool emphatically guaranteed they will be title leaders by Christmas.  How bad does your defense need to be for a team playing two holding midfielders and leading the line with Dirk Kuyt to score five goals?  That is with Shay Given’s brilliance maintaining reason.

Fulham 2 – 2 Chelsea: Clint “Deuce” Dempsey played up to his nickname, dueling Frank Lampard to a stalemate in the West London derby.  Chelsea had more chances, but did not use them.  Scolari’s men have taken just 10 of their last 21 possible points.

Blackburn 2 – 2 Manchester City: I flipped this one off with about five minutes remaining.  Oops.  Daniel Sturridge and Robinho in injury time spoiled a competent performance from Big Sam’s boys.  City are two points above the relegation zone and Blackburn are two points below.

Arsenal 1 – 0 Portsmouth: It was one-nil to the Arsenal, but there wasn’t much to sing about.  The Gunners managed just one goal against Portsmouth’s porous defense, and that was from a defender.  Far from the beautiful game, Arsenal’s current group plays with neither invention nor competence in any facet of the game.  Relegation candidates Portsmouth have lost four straight.

West Brom 2 – 0 Tottenham: Tottenham succumbed from two late goals, but West Brom’s victory over the ten-man side was deserved.  Harry Redknapp, bizarrely, questioned the ref’s competency while admitting the penalty call. 

Everton 3 – 0 Sunderland: Without a healthy striker, Everton needed goals from midfield.  Fortunately, that midfield contains Cahill, Fellaini and Mikel Arteta, scorer of two early goals in this match.  Ricky Sbragia’s deal at Sunderland is now permanent.  Unfortunately, his salubrious effect may not be.

West Ham 2 – 1 Stoke City: West Ham scored a resilient victory, coming back from an early goal.  They were aided by Stoke City, who dropped to ten after Ricardo Fuller saw red for taking a shot at his own captain, Andy Griffin.  

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John Terry’s Red Card Against Everton

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Monday EPL Result: Everton Protect Liverpool’s Lead

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Everton 0 – Chelsea 0: Still, no one wishes to win the Premier League.  John Terry saw red, probably soon to be rescinded, for a reckless challenge.  Riled by the referee, Chelsea showed their normal level of restraint, with three bookings for dissent.

The Blues have earned just six points from their last five matches, again leaving Liverpool unscathed at the top.  Chelsea sullied their perfect away record as well with the draw.

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Saturday EPL Results: Title Contenders Underwhelm

heurelho-gomes-spurs-190Liverpool 2 – 2 Hull City: Liverpool dropped points for the third time in four Premier League matches.  Gerrard’s brace evened proceedings, and the Reds stirred the pot during the second half.  But with Robbie Keane on the bench, Liverpool could not muster a third.

Tottenham 0 – 0 Manchester United: Spurs held the line despite injuries to King and Woodgate, with the maligned Gomes, surprisingly, making a crucial late save.  The goalkeeper relieved some angst, but Berbatov, the £30m man, will get more supporter scrutiny, as he once again went scoreless.

Middlesbrough 1 – 1 Arsenal: Adebayor scored early, but Aliadiere, who only tries against his former club, equalized to give Southgate his fifth result in a row against Wenger.  Arsenal missed the opportunity to pick up two points on Liverpool and Manchester United.  It’s sad when this is considered decent.

Manchester City 0 – 1 Everton: Neither side had a healthy striker, so it’s unsurprising that they battered each other boringly for much of the match.  What Cahill lacks as a pure striker, he makes up in grit, with his late header earning Everton a huge away victory.

Wigan 3 – 0 Blackburn: Pressure is pushing down on Paul Ince, as Blackburn succumbed meekly in their eleventh straight without a win.  Blackburn fans united with Wigan fans for chants of “You’re getting sacked in the morning.”

Aston Villa 4 – 2 Bolton: Gabby Agbonlahor doubled and Ashley Young scored another to secure Villa a solid victory.  The win moves them past Arsenal into fourth place.  Surprisingly, it’s only their second home league win since September.

Sunderland 4 – 0 West Brom: Sunderland built on last week’s moral victory with a tangible one, sparked by Kenwyne Jones scoring two goals in a minute.  The result moves Sunderland out of the relegation zone and places interim Ricky Sbragia in the permanent job discussion.

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Sunday EPL Results: The Most Gobsmacking Solo Performance From Ashley Young Since…

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Everton 2 – 3 Aston Villa: Joleon Lescott tumbled from gallant to goat in the space of one minute, scoring a dramatic equalizer and then being pantsed by Ashley Young seconds later for the winner.  The win keeps Aston Villa sniffing behind the Top Four.

West Brom 1 – Portsmouth 1: Pompey managed one shot on target, but used it as Peter Crouch saved them face in the second half.  The Baggies stay rooted to the bottom.  Portsmouth sits three points out of Europe.

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Michael Owen Will Leave Newcastle This Summer

michael-owen1Newcastle striker Michael Owen will frequent the physios of another club next season, after failing to reach a new contract.  His current deal expires in June.  He can begin negotiations with other clubs Jan. 1.

Owen’s decision doesn’t surprise, given Newcastle’s current climate of instability.

The 28-year-old has been linked with Everton and Tottenham, though a return to Liverpool might be the most intriguing.  Benitez executed a similar deal with Robbie Fowler.  Owen would have similar sentiment and be more useful.

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Headlines: Vieira Back to London, Arsenal?

patrick-vieira-1Patrick Vieira was spotted in London, let the rumors swirl. (The Spoiler)

Tha Carter is a soccer fan. (ESPN)

Liverpool may finally get Gabriel Heinze from Real Madrid. (Soccerlens)

Stevie G whiffs against West Ham. (Off the Post)

Henrik Larsson could supplement the Everton striker cabinet. (Soccer By Ives)

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Sunday/Monday EPL Results: The Roar of Robin Van Persie

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Chelsea 1 – Arsenal 2: Chelsea were best for a half.  Robin Van Persie was best for three minutes to give Arsenal the advantage.  They need to add some tooth up front in the transfer window.

Manchester City 0 – Manchester United 1: Waz got his 100th goal.  Ronaldo protected his coif.  Dimitar Berbatov was useless.  United picked up points on Chelsea and Liverpool.

Liverpool 0 – West Ham 0: The Hammer defense gave an uncharacteristically stern performance, holding Liverpool fruitless.  The Reds move into first place, but not impressively.  They still aren’t deep enough to rotate.

Tottenham 0 – Everton 1: God is great, but not for Harry Redknapp whose magic wears thin or for Yakubu, out for the season with an achilles tendon injury.  That may cost the Toffees a European place.

Portsmouth 3 – Blackburn 2: Pompey nearly blew their second two goal lead in four days, but Sean Davis’ substitute winner saved the victory.  Paul Ince is “frustrated, disappointed” and two points from safety.

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Monday EPL Result: Wigan 1-0 over Everton

henricamraWigan Athletic 1 – Everton 0: Senegalese “striker” Henri Camara scored his first league goal in two years – the first for the home side at the JJB since September.  It was a good showing from a undermanned Wigan.  Everton have sorted their defense, boding well for the remainder.

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Sunday EPL Results: One Big Stalemate

Yakubu

Hull City 2 – Manchester City 2: It was exciting football, or crap defending, depending on your perspective.  This was a good road result for Man City, which says a lot for the Hughes regime.

Everton 1 – Middlesbrough 1: The type of result that will keep both these teams mediocre.  The normally prolific Yakubu scored his first goal in ten.  Is a streak to come? 

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