Rescinded Red

Oh the media monkeys and their junket junkies will invite you to their plastic pantomime. Throw their invites away.

Boxing Day Premier League Results


Boxing Day is rough for all and, generally, Premier League defenders are not excepted.  With lapsed concentration get slapped haphazardly around the area, with goals raining in from every direction to the delight of spectators (See Chelsea 4 -4 Aston Villa).  This year, alas, only Manchester City and West Ham received the memo.

The Citizens stormed out of the relegation zone, beating Hull City so badly they looked as if they had met Joey Barton outside a McDonalds.  Robinho was fancy, but effective bagging a brace and imposing his flourish on an overmatched Hull defense.  The drubbing was so bad, Phil Brown refused to let Hull return to the dressing room.  Mark Hughes retrieved some of his pride after the loss to West Brom, but dousing the burner under his bottom after one match would be hasty.

West Ham won just their second Premier League victory in their last 13 matches, but it was impressive.  Carlton Cole and Craig Bellamy penetrated the casual and sloppy Portsmouth back line.  How does a team coached by Tony Adams concede nine goals in three matches?  Perhaps, they were too busy packing.

Arsenal drew Aston Villa 2-2 in the tastiest tie of the day, leaving Villa a three-point advantage for fourth place.  Martin O’Neill’s men comprehensively outplayed every Arsenal partisan on the pitch, except the goal post.  Arsenal then, inexplicably, went 2-0 up.  William Gallas gave away a legit penalty in the 65th minute, and Zat Knight, of all people, knocked in an injury-time equalizer.  Both sides could have won.  Both could have lost.  It was the fairest result.

United were big in Japan, and Carlos Tevez was just big enough to score the late winner against Stoke City.  United have scored just three goals in their past five Premier League matches, however they have not conceded and earned three 1-0 victories.  Given Liverpool and Chelsea’s inconsistency of late, Man U could be title favorites if they pick up their games in hand.

Liverpool’s Robbie Keane can be dangerous on a hot run, which he appears to have hit.  His two second-half goals in the 3-0 win against Bolton, as well as his equalizer last weekend against Arsenal have kept Liverpool on top of the table, shocking since this was their first December victory in all competitions.

The other contenders, Chelsea, earned their first home victory since Nov. 1 with their 2-0 defeat of West Brom.  Drogba received the central role, and scored his first league goal since March after three minutes.  Trim, reliable Frank scored in first-half injury time.  Chelsea put the game away.

Wigan vanquished Newcastle 2-1, with Ryan Taylor again tormenting the barcodes.  Approximately 80,000 combined people witnessed Tottenham – Fulham and Sunderland 0 – Blackburn 0.  They went home profoundly bored.


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Saturday EPL Results: Steed, Big Sam and Ricky

sunderland-v-liverpool-1Hull City 1 – 4 Sunderland: Steed Malbranque had a goal and two assists.  How long before Ricky Sbragia gets the permanent job?

Bolton 2 – 1 Portsmouth: Much less impressive for Portsmouth than it looks.  Could Adams suck them into the relegation fight after January player losses?

Fulham 3 – 0 Middlesbrough: A workman like effort for Fulham, with a fair reward.  The Boro have just three points from their last six matches.

Blackburn 3 – 0 Stoke City: Big Sam engenders the new manager bounce.  With winnable games coming up, he could have them out of the relegation zone by New Years Day.

West Ham 0 – 1 Aston Villa: Both teams played hard, my man. Both teams played hard.  Lucas Neill’s sublime own goal deflection proved, without a doubt, why he’s worth £70,000 a week.

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Saturday EPL Results: Title Contenders Underwhelm

heurelho-gomes-spurs-190Liverpool 2 – 2 Hull City: Liverpool dropped points for the third time in four Premier League matches.  Gerrard’s brace evened proceedings, and the Reds stirred the pot during the second half.  But with Robbie Keane on the bench, Liverpool could not muster a third.

Tottenham 0 – 0 Manchester United: Spurs held the line despite injuries to King and Woodgate, with the maligned Gomes, surprisingly, making a crucial late save.  The goalkeeper relieved some angst, but Berbatov, the £30m man, will get more supporter scrutiny, as he once again went scoreless.

Middlesbrough 1 – 1 Arsenal: Adebayor scored early, but Aliadiere, who only tries against his former club, equalized to give Southgate his fifth result in a row against Wenger.  Arsenal missed the opportunity to pick up two points on Liverpool and Manchester United.  It’s sad when this is considered decent.

Manchester City 0 – 1 Everton: Neither side had a healthy striker, so it’s unsurprising that they battered each other boringly for much of the match.  What Cahill lacks as a pure striker, he makes up in grit, with his late header earning Everton a huge away victory.

Wigan 3 – 0 Blackburn: Pressure is pushing down on Paul Ince, as Blackburn succumbed meekly in their eleventh straight without a win.  Blackburn fans united with Wigan fans for chants of “You’re getting sacked in the morning.”

Aston Villa 4 – 2 Bolton: Gabby Agbonlahor doubled and Ashley Young scored another to secure Villa a solid victory.  The win moves them past Arsenal into fourth place.  Surprisingly, it’s only their second home league win since September.

Sunderland 4 – 0 West Brom: Sunderland built on last week’s moral victory with a tangible one, sparked by Kenwyne Jones scoring two goals in a minute.  The result moves Sunderland out of the relegation zone and places interim Ricky Sbragia in the permanent job discussion.

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Saturday EPL Results: United Escape Against Sunderland


Manchester United 1 – 0 Sunderland: Sunderland conveniently picked the match after Keane leaves for their most steely performance of the season.  United outshot Sunderland 31-3 and finally took the advantage on a late Vidic header.

Arsenal 1 – 0 Wigan: Adebayor scored early.  Arsenal hit the post a few times.  Eboue was booed off the pitch.  The Gunners nearly cocked it up, but held on for three points.  Arsenal fans will take it.

Blackburn 1 – 3 Liverpool: This was close for most of the match, but Liverpool caught fire at the end.  Can Liverpool get by on midfield goals?  Winless in their last ten, how much more patience will Blackburn have for Ince?

Bolton 0 – 2 Chelsea: A solid Chelsea victory with little inspiration.  Anelka scored against his former club.  Deco dumped in an overrated scissor kick.  Chelsea has won six straight away at Bolton, without conceding.

Hull City 2 – 1 Middlesbrough: Boro took a late lead from Tuncay, but an own goal and a David Wheater penalty handed Hull the win.  Could Hull be playing in Europe next season?

Newcastle 2 – 2 Stoke City: Michael Owen scored two in the first 24 minutes.  Newcastle squandered the lead.  Shockingly, Joe Kinnear will likely face another conduct inquiry.

Fulham 1 – 1 Manchester City: The biggest club in the world started Darius Vassell up front, and again disappointed away from home.  Jimmy Bullard scored his first league goal of the season.  Fulham look quite frisky this season.

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Saturday EPL Results: Fulham Hold Aston Villa


Aston Villa 0 – Fulham 0: Consistency is the key to the top four.  Aston Villa showed why they have not yet finished there.  Gareth Barry missed chances, but it was an even performance from both sides.  Fulham deserved the result.

Middlesbrough 0 – Newcastle 0: This was a monotonous stalemate between two similar teams, filled with almosts and might have beens.  The mist overtaking the pitch in the second half fit the dreariness of the spectacle.

Sunderland 1 – Bolton 4: Cisse scored the first goal, but Bolton roared back with four, threatening the Sunderland goal to the end.  Sunderland won’t fire Keane, but his magic seems to be wearing.

Wigan Athletic 2 – West Brom 1: Wigan recored consecutive victories for the first time under Bruce.  Wigan went down on a Titus Bramble error, but fought back to score two.  They are finally getting the results their talent dictates.

Stoke City 1 – Hull City 1: Hull’s road warrior status continued.  They’ve earned 15 of their 23 points away from home this season.  It would have been 17, but for a dubious penalty.

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Saturday EPL Results: Big Four Shutout


Manchester City 3 – Arsenal 0: Mentality improves the narrative, but in reality it’s the squad’s thinness.  Arsenal missed Fabregas, Adebayor, Walcott, Sagna, and Toure.  Every Arsenal outfield sub was teenaged.

Chelsea 0 – Newcastle 0: Profligacy cost Chelsea a win.  The had 70% of the possession and 33 shorts with nine on target.  Newcastle did not challenge Cech once.

Liverpool 0 – Fulham 0: Fernando Torres returned and could not affect the result.  Perhaps, Benitez correctly assessed the Keane-Torres partnership.  Not one you’d expect to drop at Anfield.

Aston Villa 0 – Manchester United 0: United missed a ground-gaining opportunity with Chelsea and Liverpool both drawing.  Villa broke a 14-game losing streak against United, with another solid performance.

Middlesbrough 1 – Bolton 3: Boro conceded two straight away.  They held much of the play, but they could not come through.  Swedish so-far bust Elmander scored his first for Bolton since the opening day of the season.

Portsmouth 2 – Hull 2: Who would have picked this one as the most entertaining?  It was fairly even and the score reflected it, with Hull returning to equalize twice.  The timely Windass salvaged a point for the Tigers.

Stoke 1 – West Brom 0: This match equaled expectations, which weren’t enthusiastic.  Mamady Sidibe broke the stultification with a goal in the 84th minute.  Dave Kitson left in a stretcher.

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Saturday EPL Results: Chelsea Cruise, Ronaldo gets 100th goal


West Brom 0 – Chelsea 3: Chelsea started sloppily, but three goals from Chelsea, including two more from Nicolas Anelka, changed the tone quickly.  They have now outscored opponents 32-4 in their 13 matches.  Absurd.

Bolton 0 – Liverpool 2: Liverpool missed chances.  Benitez’ tactics up front still baffle.  But, they got the job done so fair play.

Manchester United 5 – Stoke City 0: A ruthless performance, showing why United are contenders and Arsenal are not.  Ronaldo got his 100th and 101st goals.  Young Danny Welbeck scored his first.

Newcastle 2 – Wigan 2: Wigan were rocked by a ridiculous red card.  Owen led a final charge in the last ten minutes, only to have it foiled by Titus.

Fulham 2 – Tottenham 1: Spurs blazed into Craven Cottage.  Fulham had fire extinguishers at the ready.  Redknapp has work ahead of him.  Gomes is a clown.  Every win is crucial in a crazed relegation rumble.

Blackburn 1 – Sunderland 2: Sunderland fought back well in the second half with goals from Jones and Cisse.  A nice win after four defeats for Sunderland, pulling Keane’s rump out of the glames.  Are Blackburn relegation candidates?

West Ham 0 – Portsmouth 0: The battle of the two new managers.  Defoe squandered three chances, stopped by Robert Green.  West Ham kept a clean sheet under Zola.  Crazy stuff.  

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Saturday EPL Results: 8 November 2008


Sunderland 1 – Portsmouth 2: Sunderland owned the first half, but could not force Pompey to pay.  Keane’s men lost focus after Belhadji’s wonder strike.  Diouf was the most notable culprit, deciding the match with his obvious penalty.  Adams may not be some kind of wizard or a genius, but having consistent scoring threats like Crouch and Defoe will aid him.

West Ham 1 – Everton 3: West Ham looked great going forward and foul at the back, in what has quickly become a characteristic loss under Zola.  Louis Saha scored two and could be significant if he stays healthy.  However, place a large emphasis on the “if.”

Liverpool 3 – West Brom 0: The Baggies had no answer for Robbie Keane who scored two.  Fernando Torres returned from injury.  Imagine Benitez fielding them simultaneously.  West Brom will be relegated.

Hull 0 – Bolton 1: The third successive loss for Hull, will have grounded them somewhat, particularly one they would have expected to win.  It’s a symbolic victory for Bolton, launching them from relegation zone to top half of the table.

Stoke City 0 – Wigan 0: I pity the fool who put themselves through that.

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Sunday EPL Result: Man City Road Woes Continue

Bolton 2 – Manchester City 0: Since Sept. 1, Man City have one point from four away matches, having been outscored 8-3.  Their open formation, not characteristic for Hughes, leaves them wantonly exposed.  Sparky may need to bench a Brazilian, likely Elano, in favor of another holding midfielder, but will the owners allow it?

Bolton’s win lifts them form the cellar and places them out of the relegation zone on goal difference, pending Newcastle’s match on Monday.  However, with the newly frisky Tottenham crawling into the daylight, the newly promoted success could come at Bolton’s expense.

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Sunday Premier League Results 27 Oct 2008

Chelsea 0 – Liverpool 1: Liverpool ended Chelsea’s 4 and a half year unbeaten streak at home in the league.  Liverpool look like the favorites at this point.  John Terry can do no wrong.

Tottenham 2 – Bolton 0: Spurs get new win with new manager bounce.  Clive Allen or Redknapp allowed Modric the freedom to do his thing.  The roster seems revived.

West Ham 0 – Arsenal 2: The Capi came through with his finest effort of the season, but Carlton Cole can have that effect on defenders.  Arsenal kept plugging for the eventual reward.  A stern performance in a normally tough London derby.

Manchester City 3 – Stoke City 0: Mark that Robinho fellow lads.  It might be a good idea.  Robinho’s hat-trick allowed him to exhibit every goal celebration known to man.

Wigan Athletic 0 – Aston Villa 4: Aston Villa were clinical and ruthless, with Big John Carew coming off the bench to recompense for his lap dancing club antics.  Ashley Young and Agbonlahor are sending a message to Capello.

Portsmouth 1 – Fulham 1: Pompey outplayed Fulham in their first post-Redknapp match, but substitute Clint Dempsey burst through with a late equalizer.  

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